Random thoughts, random entry july edition

Hello everyone. I want to start off with something I found at my parents' house last week. Will wonders ever cease?



I suppose you can view this as another sign of the coming of the apocalypse. I tend to view this as the answer to my half-assed diet prayers! Who can eat a whole CAN of SPAM? Sometimes just a little SPAM will do. And this comes pre-sliced, with much less clear jelly goo!

All you need to do to enjoy this wonderful feast is to ignore the oh-so-annoying nutrition label, which i believe in this case was designed to spoil my fun!

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Speaking of "spoiling my fun . . . "

Superman Movie Thoughts

Okay, so the other shoe has dropped. The Superman movie has finally come out and already people have started baiting me with fighting words. One person who saw it said to my face that he found it "uninspiring, directionless, and plodding." Of course, I could to the same adjectives to describe that aforementioned old fogey with his constant reminiscing about events that happened thirty or forty years ago, but that would be too easy. He's entitled to his opinion and I can see how he would view the movie that way. It's not a perfect movie by any stretch of the imagination.

However, a blog buddy, near and dear to all our hearts, wrote:

"one of bert's co-workers saw it the other day and proclaimed it the worst movie EVER.

pretty harsh for a guy that pretty much likes anything."

like a dagger to the heart.

Really? The "co-worker" likes pretty much anything? So this "person" would place that 80s gymnastics film with Mitch Gaylord and Janet Jones, late Woody Allen films like "Shadows and Fog" and "Husband and Wives" and any Pauly Shore or Yahoo Serious movie behind "Superman Returns" as the worst movie EVER. This person will eat every piece of sh***y filmmaking on STARZ, Showtime, USA, ABC Family, Nickelodeon or Lifetime, but "Superman" is the one line "he/she" won't cross, huh? I mean, if this "co-worker" went to Blockbuster or Hollywood Video, you're telling me that this person would be HARD PRESSED to find something WORSE than "Superman Returns?"

Okay. I guess I'll have to say that "co-worker" has the WORST TASTE IN MOVIES EVER.

I have heard all manners of positive and negatives opinions about the movie, and I can understand where most of them are coming from. The movie is too long; some scenes i thought lasted much longer than they should have. I can understand why some people would find it extremely slow and boring. The casting is a little off. Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane seemed too young to be an experienced Pulitzer Prize winning report/mommy. Brandon Routh lacks the charisma and humor that Christoper Reeve brought to the role. This was underscored by the fact that he looks AND sounds like Christopher Reeve. To be THE SUPERHERO you gotta have this presence, kinda like Reagan or Clinton . . . full of authority tempered with a whole bunch of charm. The movie, in general, takes itself a little too seriously and is not as joyful as you think it would be.

So it's not a perfect movie by any stretch of the imagination.

But here's what the movie gets right . . . it translates from the comic to the big screen what I think is so cool about Superman.

First thing, it provides a proper sense of scale to the character. By that I mean, he doesn't really punch out bad guys in this film . . . that's kind of small potatoes in this day and age . . . any fool superhero can do that. Leave that small scale crap to Batman. Supes tackles the kind of problems that only he can deal with like: stopping a falling jet, lifting a sunken yacht, catching a giant statue in midair, blowing out an entire house fire, carrying of an entire ISLAND!!!! The movie does a VERY good job of showing how monumental it is to have one man, one lone tiny figure against an immense backdrop, handle these impossible tasks. The focus is never really on Superman in these situations. The movie takes its time in setting up the dangers, showing everyone what's at stake in every sequence. Just when things seem bleakest and beyond hope, that's when you see that the only thing that could avert certain disaster would be Superman.

Second thing, the movie does a VERY good job of displaying the selfless heroism of the character. By that I mean, just because you have this immense power, doesn't mean it allows you to be lazy or soft. Supes gets put through the wringer in this film. He gets a monumental beatdown. He gets brutalized . . . almost tortured. When push comes to shove, Superman does the right thing no matter what it might cost him. None of this Spider-Man wishy washy dilly dallying about his purpose. He knows what needs to be done AND more importantly, does it.

In the film, Luthor accuses Supes of being selfish and not sharing his power with the rest of the world. What Luthor views as sharing is actually imposition, forcing others to acquiesce to your will. Luthor's view of power is fascist. Superman is about restraint . . . about not forcing your will on the situation unless it's absolutely necessary. The film shows the scary and destructive potential that anything from Krypton would have on Earth: the technology, the island, even the child who accidently kills a henchmen . . . but never once do you see that in Superman. And that's what I love about the character . . . the sense of restraint for the greater good. Logically, having a being with the power of Superman is a very scary proposition. Think of the bad shit that COULD happen with such a powerful being and the fact that the character shies away, even revulsed by the possibilty is incredible.

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Alright, that diatribe went WAY off the deep end.

See the movie. Don't see the movie. What do I care? The damage has already been done. The movie had made its major money and it looks like the clear public choice is that Pirates movie anyway.

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Other quick movie points:

• A co-worker of mine, who saw the film, commented that Supes was a borderlline stalker throughout it . . . using x-ray vision and superhearing to sneak a peak at Lois . . . flying in the middle of the night to catch a peek at the child . . . I told him that any love worth having is a love worth stalking. Most of what Superman did in the film, we could do with some night vision goggles, audio surviellance equipment, motion detectors . . . just another incident why people at work find me strange



• My mind kept drawing a parallel to Superman's leaving for Krypton without telling Lois and Dave Chappelle's leaving for Africa without telling his wife. Who was more pissed . . . Lois or Chappelle's wife?
  
  
• What kind of a world is it where my mother gets to see the new Superman movie before I do? Not only see it, but also publicly stating that she LIKED it!!! ugh. This is the woman that hid my comics in box under heavy box in her closet. I would have to wait til she left the house, go in there and rummage through my collection like i was a perv, mining for a taste of banned dirty magazines or dvds.

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On to Other Things

My one year old son has a MAJOR "Dora the Explorer" obsession. I think it's either because he's really into Dora as a chick and he REALLY LIKES chicks, or he's gay and he views Dora as the ultimate "fag hag." Don't want him to be gay for the simple reason I'm selfish and I want grandkids. Let his children torture him the way he's currently torturing mommy and i . . . the way I tortured my father and mother. Oh, that would be SOOOOO sweet.

Warning to those who'll attend Comicon in San Diego this year . . . Triumph the Insult Comic Dog might stalk the convention to rip us nerds a new one! The man behind the puppet, Robert Smigel, is doing a Friday night presentation and I can't imagine him passing on such a plum comedic cherry as Comicon.

Random Thoughts, Random Entry

The general media has been "pussyfooting" around this unspoden issue, but I'm glad the advocate has went ahead and bluntly stated the obvious. This Brandon Routh dude is probably the most femme Superman I've ever seen. The only way this guy can look more girly is if he was immortalized as a barbie doll. Oh wait, that's already happened.



Hopefully, this shouldn't detract too much from the movie. I guess it's safe to say that I'm geeking out about as much as
any fanboy would be. However, it doesn't help matters when the director and Kevin Spacey have also been hit with the 'in-the-closet' accusations. Kinda like a trifecta of gay innuendos if you will.

Regardless . . .

Saw the new movie trailer before going to sleep the other night. There was so much adrenaline pumping through my veins, I couldn't sleep for another 3 hours. Wifey told me with a finality I've never heard in her voice after 5 years of marriage, "you are such a nerd."

And I am. I can't help it. At this age, very little gets the blood pumping anymore . . . it's too damned hard to muster up the energy when it's being diverted to domestic or corporate duties. Watching the trailer made me feel like a kid again.

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At wifey's behest, I relented to another pedicure. This time I brought my galpal J with me, in the vain hope that this would somehow make the experience less 'gay.' She would be the 'Gayle' to my 'Oprah.' Just that statement alone should predict the utter failure of my pathetic attempt to divert my pedicure's 'femme-ness'. I started feeling like mario cantone in a scene from 'Sex and the City', all chatty and catty. At least i didn't feel like that nerdy bald guy with the glasses.

Two reasons I brought j. One) She's probably the best 'work' friend I've ever had. I would even go so far as to consider her a 'cousin.' I've had just as close relationships with other coworkers, but never as long as J. I've known the girl for 10 years!!! She KNOWS me and my bullshit!!! I can let my guard down and be myself around her at work, and trust me, that is a VERY valuable commodity. Especially when you're trapped in the uptight, look over your shoulder corporate world. Two) I suspect she's a dude who had a gender reorientation. She's a good lookin' gal who LOVES comic books, sci fi and basketball (even though her fav team is the Spurs)!!! It's like reality TV "Weird Science"! I'm not the only one; most guys at work think she's really a dude.

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Taking some time off from my creative pursuits. Still have to get my room back into shape from our house remodeling initiative two months ago. To my left are eight bankers boxes that currently house the 'T' - 'Z' of my regularly sized graphic novel collection. In the garage are another nine boxes with my oversized graphic novels, art/graphic design books and the rest of my library. Designed some backgrounds for a children's theatre group production two weeks ago in the Lyceum Theatre at Horton Plaza. These were projected on a 14' x 9' screen; large enough for the actors to play in front, around and behind. I'll post up something on my art website when I have a chance. Actually, that'll be my first project . . . updating the damn site with a whole bunch of crap. But first, I'll need to survive Mother's Day.

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Current Listening To:

70's Stevie Wonder. Nothing tops Seventies Stevie. Seventies Stevie is so good he gets a "Get out of jail free" card for the rest of his artistic life. It doesn't matter if his material since the mid 80s has not up-to-par with his Seventies output. That's like getting mad at Einstein for not coming up with anything as good as his theory of special relativity and his thoughts on the fabric of space/time. I mean who cares if he had a problem with quantum mechanics? Dude gets a pass. That's like getting mad at Gretzky over his wife's gambling scandal. Who cares . . . the dude gets a pass. Who cares if OJ murdered his . . . oh wait . . . strike that. No pass.

some random thoughts

Now while my wife rocks the baby to sleep, I've got a spare moment to finally jot down some thoughts that have been burning my mental square acreage . . .

• This Apple Vs. PC thing is OLD AND TIRED
  
  So I thought that this was pretty much a dead issue . . . I mean it's 2006 already. Hasn't the world already moved on? Apparently not . . . seems this issue tends to rear it's ugly head every month or so among my coworkers. You know, the ipod comes up as a topic every so often, which eventually leads to discussions about the Mac OS. The great majority of coworkers (being PC heads) either openly scoff, expressively roll their eyes or look like they just smelled a turd. Then the graphic designer, a lone standard bearer with a predestined blind allegiance to all things Apple, jumps into the fray, bravely defending the Mac like it was her family's coat of arms.
  
  Okay, y'all need to get a grip. First off, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT STUPID COMPUTERS!!!! The kind of fervor that froths up from both camps should be reserved for one's spouse, children, family or country . . . NOT A FREAKING PRODUCT!!!!! A computer is a tool. You can have a preference for one tool over another, just don't act like that this tool gave birth to your first born child. And this also goes double for those COKE VS. PEPSI acolytes. IT'S FREAKING SODA!!!! You're going to war over CARBONATED COLORED SUGAR WATER!!!!
  
  Okay some quick perspective here . . . the MAC OS was built to be a product; something to work as elegantly and as hassle-free as a microwave oven. Creative types usually, but not always, want to know their tool's capabilities. Knowing what the tool can or can't do frees them up to actually start being creative. The PC OS (Windows, Linux, etc.) is more like a blank slate, a universe of possibilities that a user controls through language. If there is a need, then be assured that 80 different programmers will write up 299 different sofware to fill that need.
  
  I'm already spending too long on this. So to cut to the chase, and for full disclosure, I'm a Mac agnostic. I'll prefer to use the Mac, but if someone offers me a free PC with all the bells and whistle I require, I would be stupid not to take it. And for those of you religious freako "MACAZOIDS" out there who would call me a traitor . . . why in the hell should I show loyalty to something I GIVE MY HARD EARNED MONEY TO? Apple should be loyal to ME, not the other way around. The only reason they're in business is because enough people are convinced that their product has value. The minute they don't (it sure seemed that way in the mid 90's) I'm outta here. The ipod saved that company's ass, no matter how good their OS is. Cuz the simple truth is that any PC based OS is good enough to live with. It does the job. Maybe not as cleanly, maybe not as elegantly, but it will do what the MAC does. And at much better prices too.


• What's cool to a 25 year old, will just be pathetic when he hits 35
  
  Act your age people. Realize your limitations. This is just another variation on 'the old man at the club' Chris Rock joke. Move on people. Leave the throwing-up-in-the-morning-at-a-dumpster-just-caught-syphillis-from-my-skanky-one-night-stand activities to the young. They can take the hit. They've got the time and energy to make up for it. A 35 year old guy trying to act like a 25 year old cool guy has the danger of just looking pathetic and worn out. It's called the 'circle of life' for a reason.
  
  AND YES, I KNOW I'M THE GUY WHO COLLECTS SUPERMAN DOLLIES, but I don't let it interfere with my real adult life . . . there are boundaries you do not cross . . . learn them.


• And speaking of Superman . . . is it me or does the actor in the new Superman movie look a little gay?
  
  I mean, the Superman costume is not the most macho thing to begin with, but the new Superman looks like some ballet dancer or ice skater prancing around all delicate and shit. I want my Superman to look somewhat more manly. I mean Chris Reeves never looked gay to me and that 70s outfit of his is a quicksand trap of gayness. I'll hold final judgement until the movie comes out, but I'm a little worried here.

That's all I got for now. Time to go to sleep.

A crazy person's prison cell . . .

Since Mulysa was so keen on seeing my Superman dollies, here's a quick snippet . . .



The huge one in the center is of course my favorite. Given by Wifey back in 98. A sign of **TRUE LOVE***. Looked all so lonesome by itself, so naturally I had to buy others to keep it company. To the left of this picture would be my other DC Superheroes. To the upper right are my Marvel and other associated figures. Space is always an issue. I might have to build some shelves on the wall with the paintings for more dolly space. Plus, the size of my graphic novel collection shows no sign of slowing down. So I have to account for that space. The life of a geek with money . . . ugh.

Bad thing about the new Superman movie

We get stuff like this. Can we start critiquing? I'll shoot the opening round.

"Looks good, but somehow, it doesn't look quite GAY enough. Can we make it just a tad more GAY?"

all right, already

damn, eight comments on a post that just said, "i'm getting set up?"

first thing first. linesteppa - No, Superman isn't the greatest movie of all time. Godfather I and 2 are. That's why I listed them first. The Godfather saga can be on at any point on the tv, and I'll leave it there EVERY DAMN TIME. They are that damn good.

As much as I love Superman, some parts sometimes defy my willingness to suspend disbelief. Like TOTU's comment about making the earth go backwards. You gotta be in a certain mood for that. Also, Margot Kidder's performance as Lois Lane can be a little grating if I'm not in the mood.

Lois Lane is a tricky character to portray; she's gotta be quirky and ballsy enough to make us believe Superman would fall for her, yet not too much as to wind up being totally annoying. Watch Smallville and the actor that plays Lois. She's sometimes real good as Lois, sometimes real BAD as Lois . . . but I really think it's cuz of the character, not cuz of her portrayal. Teri Hatcher is hot enough to make you look past all the annoying Lois Lane personality quirks. Maybe there's the dilemma, you gotta have a REAL HOT actress to make you look past all those quirks, yet the REAL HOT actresses don't necessarily have the chops to play quirky. So you end up with these NOT AS HOT actresses who have the quirky stuff all down, but they're so damn annoying that instead of forgiving them cuz they're beautiful, we just want to wring their necks.

wow. all that from linesteppa.

My life these days are weighed by dueling priorities. Writing in this blog, which I love to do, means I have less time to wash the baby's bottles, which leads to less time playing Xbox, which leads to less time soaking my feet in Epsom salt, which leads to less time working on a painting for my neighbors. Of course, I wanted to get into more detail over this, but i blew my time allotment on Superman. AGAIN. Oh this addiction of mine will kill me in the end.