25 Random Things

So I was one of the Facebook millions stricken by the "25 Random Things." Sure, it's self indulgent, but it also gave me time to reflect a little bit, something I don't really make time for in my normal day-to-day life. For some background, here's a good sarcastic article about the whole phenomemon.

Here's my little stab at the exercise. Thought it would be a good idea to repurpose it for my blog.

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1. It's now 3:44 in the morning and I've been up for about an hour, working on a painting that my son defaced. It's an interesting exercise. The paintings were part of a triptych (head and 2 hands). My son walked in my office while I was on the phone in a business meeting and proceeded to "improve" these semi-realistic paintings. At first, I looked on in horror, but the kid was so cute and proud, literally beaming how he helped daddy work on the painting. To be honest, the paintings were a creative dead end, so incorporating my son's "revisions", has made this more creatively rewarding.

2. I've just finished listening to the audiobook version of "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell. The books theme centers on the cultural and societal influences that fuel the success of so-called "self-made" people. It's got me thinking about my goddaughter in a whole new light, and brings new perspective on my wife's initial connection to her. She really has become a daughter to both of us and it's our responsibility to provide her the foundation for a fruitful and productive life. I worry about how much we can actually do for her. She's only twelve and is in no hurry to grow up, but it won't be too long before she's in college.

3. This is the most time and space I've had to myself in quite awhile. Usually I'm working at this hour. Telecommuting gives you incredible flexibility with your schedule, but the downside is that now you can work at 3am in the morning!

4. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the "Final Crisis" comic book miniseries. It is the most unconventional mainstream superhero comic book I've ever read. The storytelling techniques and thematic structure is such a different beast, the great majority of comic book geek boys are up in arms and ready to ready to riot. It's kind of like the "Eyes Wide Shut" of the comic book world. People had high expectations from a Tom Cruise/Stanley Kubrick collaboration, but the movie defiantly did not give what the public wanted. However, both works have moments and ideas of pure genius.

5. I've stopped being a rabid Prince fan. Got front row seats to his show at the Staples Center in 2005 and I figure things couldn't get much better than that. He even slapped my hand over how much I was getting into him singing "Sign of the Times". But his latest music and career moves have left me cold.

6. I do my best to be a good husband and father, but I fear I'm always falling short. I fear that to do better, I need be a different person, but I have strong doubts I can do that.

7. The lifestyle I have now has created some distance between me and my friends/loved ones. But how am I supposed to make time for others when I rarely get time for myself?

8. I'm a huge Howard Stern fan. I joke about it, but listening to his show does provide a HUGE release for me. He's the ANTI Oprah. He's the tonic for people who doesn't buy the idea that Oprah knows better you. She doesn't. Besides, I’m more into The View.

9. I find it very hard to relate to the fellow employees in my department. That's not to say that I don't like or respect them. They are very supportive and caring people, however my outlook on life is much too crude and dark for them to appreciate. I'm constantly censoring myself in their presence and sometimes it takes too much effort.

10. To be honest, I don't think I've aged too badly. That doesn't mean I have a good self-image or that I'm particularly healthy, but I managed to wear the same size clothes for the last decade or so. I still have an immense amount of self-hatred, but it's not because I'm getting older. It's because I'm still the same ugly asshole I've always been.

11. I think my wife views herself as plain looking, but to me, she's beautiful. I do think she stresses herself too much over surface issues, like housekeeping, but I also know that she thinks I spend too much of my time locked up in my own head.

12. I’m now typing this list on my sister’s laptop just minutes from picking up my son at his grandmother’s house. I can still picture my sister in my backyard patio, soaking in the sun, feverishly working on her thesis with books strewn all over the cement floor. Every little act of lunacy or bravery I indulge in, I silently dedicate to her memory. Dealing with the mundane and extraordinary realities of her passing shocked me into finally growing up and fully meeting my responsibilities with arms wide open. I can’t express much more than that right now. I have a comic strip in mind where my sister and I meet up to settle unfinished business, but it might be end up sounding false, because our business is already settled. I do miss her.

13. American Idol is just like every other third-world television talent show. Is there really a difference between that show and the Vietnamese “Paris by Night” showcase, or any Filipino variety show? (I mean besides the amount of money spent on producing and advertising.)

14. I’m surprised how much Facebook forced me to look back into my past. There have been so many different people and experiences that have revisited me, thanks to this social media application, I can hardly believe I was the person I used to be.

15. Here’s the unvarnished base issue behind any opposition to gay marriage: the belief that homosexuality is deviant and evil makes it okay to deny gay couples equal consideration under the law. People just have issues with same-gender sexual relations. However, the institution of marriage is not just about sex, it’s also about commitment and partnership. You don’t look at a heterosexual married couple and immediately think “wow, they have sex with each other.” You think about family, responsibilities, etc. Why should it be any different for gay and lesbian couples? My wife’s best friend, who is also my son’s godfather, is gay. Would my wife and I entrust our son to someone so evil?

16. Following that line of thought, a close friend suggested that I create a gay comic strip or comic book because I’m “the closest thing to gay a straight man can be.” Flattery will get you nowhere.

17. There are times I desperately want another child, but then I imagine myself falling into the same mindset as the ‘octomom’. Thank goodness for the octomom’s insanity to set me straight.

18. I don’t think I’m going to handle the prospect of my goddaughter dating well at all. I’m feeling slightly queasy just thinking about it.

19. I look forward to the time when I can just go out to dinner or take a sunset beach walk with my wife at a moment’s notice and not have to worry about babysitting. Of course we’ll be over 60 then, but at least we’ll be able to take advantage of the early bird specials at Marie Calendars.

20. I’ve forgotten how to swear proficiently. I used to be quite good at it. Now I can't cuss worth doo doo. See what I mean?

21. I need to regularly create art again. The last creatively satisfying thing I did was set design for a play in 2005. I need to feel that rush again. I need to find a way to fit this back in my life.

22. I’m not a good person. I’ve done things that fill me with regret and shame. Or maybe I was just raised Catholic.

23. I cannot overstate my love for bacon. I know it’s the stomach lining filled with toxins that pigs are unable to sweat out, but I just don’t care. I'm like those people who are still fans of OJ Simpson, Woody Allen, Chris Brown or Roman Polanski. The ugly truth will not dissuade me one bit.

24. I lie more than you think I do. Take this list for example.

25. It’s now 10pm at night. I started this list 2 days ago. Finishing this was more exhausting than I thought it would be.