life update

well my son's first birthday was this weekend. we celebrated with a small celebration . . well for us it was small . . . about 20 or so people. It's funny, I've always considered myself relatively anti-social, but we keep throwing these shindigs. i can hear y'all saying "WAAAHHH!!! I'm a big baby cuz my life is so sad cuz we throw relatively big parties and I'm anti-social. WAAAHHH!!!!"

Okay, okay . . . point taken. The one thing I've learned about throwing these things is that good food is definitely 3/4ths of the battle. AND the second thing I've learned is always have more than you need . . . nothing ruins a good party more than running out of food.

It was nice to have lotus, shogun, canine, whitey ford and the child there. I don't get to hang with them all that much these days, so I learn to savor the moments i do get. although ronin and hotfudge gave their condolences, their generous present was much appreciated. they do have good taste in gifts, that pair sure do.

Now's the part of the blog entry where longtime parents will go "no s##t sherlock." I can't believe it's been a year with my son. The boy has grown and changed so much, I find myself holding him tighter now than I ever did, because I know this going to end some day. The best feeling in the world right now is to have him walk to me, hold up his arms for me to carry him, and hear that sigh of contentment coming out of his mouth as he places his head on my shoulder. Look at me, I'm getting all "Dick Vermeil" on this blog . . . (for non-American Football fans, Dick Vermeil is a VERY successful coach who is notorious for spontaneous crying at press conferences and interviews . . . that explanation took a long time . . . was it even worth mentioning it?)

But I know it's gonna end one day. He'll grow up and be too hairy for me to hold him. the stuble on his beard will scratch up my shoulder something fierce. I've known on an intellectual level the fleetingness of my son's "babydom" but I really am starting to emotionally internalize this. It will be different not too far in the future.

Something happened yesterday that underscored this more than ever . . . my wife's cousin passed away, a victim of stomach cancer. She was a mother of four, with the youngest being several months younger than my son. i can't say i was close to her . . . hell, the week and a half i spent with her and her husband was horrendous for both sides. (more on that in a eulogy blog coming up after this one). but she and my wife grew up together. she was family. she was a little younger than us. it's a little strange and very tragic . . . the family deaths, until now, were people in their golden years. logistically, estate and emotional matters were simpler to handle. now there's a husband, kids, mortgages, expenses, future plans . . . what's going to happen to them? Not to belabor the point, but I didn't get along with the husband, so screw him and his closeminded ass, but what about his kids?

this question ties into a concern wifey and i have had for awhile. if we both should die, who gets the baby? this tied into our search for a godparent. idealistically, we would want a godparnet to be what we are to our goddaughter . . . literally a second set of parents, as involved and invested as we can be in this girl's life. we haven't found that person for the baby; someone who could fill his material and emotional needs. we named his aunt 'godmother' by default. not to say she doesn't love the baby, but she's definitely not involved in his life the way we are with our goddaughter. she's acts more like an aunt, which she is, but we wanted more from her and so far, she hasn't been willing to give it.

i don't know. maybe this person will fall unto our laps one day. it was that way with our goddaughter. no one asked us outright . . . we just stumbled into it. before you know it, we fell in love with this girl. maybe it'll happen for baby one day. maybe.

well, enough of that. next up: a return to the angry clark. i swear.

f##kers.

some random thoughts

Now while my wife rocks the baby to sleep, I've got a spare moment to finally jot down some thoughts that have been burning my mental square acreage . . .

• This Apple Vs. PC thing is OLD AND TIRED
  
  So I thought that this was pretty much a dead issue . . . I mean it's 2006 already. Hasn't the world already moved on? Apparently not . . . seems this issue tends to rear it's ugly head every month or so among my coworkers. You know, the ipod comes up as a topic every so often, which eventually leads to discussions about the Mac OS. The great majority of coworkers (being PC heads) either openly scoff, expressively roll their eyes or look like they just smelled a turd. Then the graphic designer, a lone standard bearer with a predestined blind allegiance to all things Apple, jumps into the fray, bravely defending the Mac like it was her family's coat of arms.
  
  Okay, y'all need to get a grip. First off, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT STUPID COMPUTERS!!!! The kind of fervor that froths up from both camps should be reserved for one's spouse, children, family or country . . . NOT A FREAKING PRODUCT!!!!! A computer is a tool. You can have a preference for one tool over another, just don't act like that this tool gave birth to your first born child. And this also goes double for those COKE VS. PEPSI acolytes. IT'S FREAKING SODA!!!! You're going to war over CARBONATED COLORED SUGAR WATER!!!!
  
  Okay some quick perspective here . . . the MAC OS was built to be a product; something to work as elegantly and as hassle-free as a microwave oven. Creative types usually, but not always, want to know their tool's capabilities. Knowing what the tool can or can't do frees them up to actually start being creative. The PC OS (Windows, Linux, etc.) is more like a blank slate, a universe of possibilities that a user controls through language. If there is a need, then be assured that 80 different programmers will write up 299 different sofware to fill that need.
  
  I'm already spending too long on this. So to cut to the chase, and for full disclosure, I'm a Mac agnostic. I'll prefer to use the Mac, but if someone offers me a free PC with all the bells and whistle I require, I would be stupid not to take it. And for those of you religious freako "MACAZOIDS" out there who would call me a traitor . . . why in the hell should I show loyalty to something I GIVE MY HARD EARNED MONEY TO? Apple should be loyal to ME, not the other way around. The only reason they're in business is because enough people are convinced that their product has value. The minute they don't (it sure seemed that way in the mid 90's) I'm outta here. The ipod saved that company's ass, no matter how good their OS is. Cuz the simple truth is that any PC based OS is good enough to live with. It does the job. Maybe not as cleanly, maybe not as elegantly, but it will do what the MAC does. And at much better prices too.


• What's cool to a 25 year old, will just be pathetic when he hits 35
  
  Act your age people. Realize your limitations. This is just another variation on 'the old man at the club' Chris Rock joke. Move on people. Leave the throwing-up-in-the-morning-at-a-dumpster-just-caught-syphillis-from-my-skanky-one-night-stand activities to the young. They can take the hit. They've got the time and energy to make up for it. A 35 year old guy trying to act like a 25 year old cool guy has the danger of just looking pathetic and worn out. It's called the 'circle of life' for a reason.
  
  AND YES, I KNOW I'M THE GUY WHO COLLECTS SUPERMAN DOLLIES, but I don't let it interfere with my real adult life . . . there are boundaries you do not cross . . . learn them.


• And speaking of Superman . . . is it me or does the actor in the new Superman movie look a little gay?
  
  I mean, the Superman costume is not the most macho thing to begin with, but the new Superman looks like some ballet dancer or ice skater prancing around all delicate and shit. I want my Superman to look somewhat more manly. I mean Chris Reeves never looked gay to me and that 70s outfit of his is a quicksand trap of gayness. I'll hold final judgement until the movie comes out, but I'm a little worried here.

That's all I got for now. Time to go to sleep.