Try Googling Yourself

Did a google search of the term "kilatzin" a little while ago. Here's a smattering of the search results.

The first two search results are a friendly reminder of the saying "the things you say and the things you do, will someday come back and turn on you."

Training Wheels: NUTELLA...
Posted by: Kilatzin | February 25, 2006 at 11:43 PM ... Man, kilatzin is one bad-ass dude!""Man, kilatzin's a real pussy!!" Posted by: ScregMan | March 03, ...
ilovehappycows.typepad.com/trainingwheels/2006/02/nutella.html - 19k -

Thane of the Universe: On car stereos and portables
kilatzin's sucking balls and then back paddling by saying getting balls sucked ... kilatzin: you are in NO place to ask if sucking balls or getting them ...
thaneoftheuniverse.blogspot.com/2005/10/on-car-stereos-and-portables.html - 96k -

My website got me a quickie phone interview for San Diego News and Notes some years back. Frankly, I was pulling this stuff out of my ass while talking on the cell phone during afternoon rush hour. Who cares if I'm not really a popular Filipino graphic artist? Truth is not what's true; it's what you can repeat over and over and over again.

San Diego News Notes | June 2005 | Articles | Planned Parenthood ...
Ken Perez is a popular Filipino graphic artist whose works can be viewed at Kilatzin. Perez, 35 and a new father, describes himself as "no longer a ...
www.sdnewsnotes.com/ed/articles/2005/0506rk.htm - 15k -

The last entry is off a Prince fan message board. Apparently someone found the Prince comic strip I submitted for a convention compiliation. I'm particularly proud of this comic, but the backhanded compliments of the thread took me back a little.

prince new? comic
http://www.kilatzin.com/i...prince.pdf. - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator. Reply #1 posted 04/12/06 10:17am. andykeen. avatar. cool cool ...
prince.org/msg/7/185177 - 12k - Cached - Similar pages - Note this

Scare

I was about to host a webinar meeting with some clients and account executives, when my cell phone started ringing. By the sound of the ringtone, I could tell it was my wife.

I let out an irritated and distracted "hello?"

My wife's voice was never like I've heard it: anguished, panicked, desperate.

"Our son is missing!"

"What?"

"Our son is missing! Mom went out to the backyard to water some plants and when she went back inside he disappeared! She looked everywhere for him! She called out for him and there's been no answer! She can't find him! She left the side screen door open and the side gate unlocked! She thinks he might have wandered out in the street! He's been gone for twenty minutes! You need to call 911! I'm going to Mom's house right now!"

"I'm on my way!"

My co-workers popped their heads over their cubes. Even in my panic, I always marvel how much their actions remind me of prairie dogs or meerkats. "What's wrong Ken?"

Running to the elevator I could only repeat what my wife told me. "My son is missing!"

I dial 911. I only remember the following conversation in bits and pieces. I remember the operator's initial confusion over my cell phone number's area code being different from the one where my son stays with his grandmother. I remember her asking why I'm the one calling if my wife and mother-in-law were more directly involved than I was. I told her that I didn't know; that my mother-in-law really doesn't speak English; that my wife ran out the door and that I'm doing the same. The 911 operator transfered me to the local police station. I give her all relevant information she asked for: the boy's name and age, the mother-in-law's name, address and phone number. The operator told me that she was dispatching an officer to my mother-in-law's house and hung up the phone.

My mind was amazingly clear from the adrenaline rushing through my veins. I was figuring out the possible routes the boy could have taken, but then I stopped when I realized how busy the streets in my mother-in-law's neighborhood were, and all the times I've noticed cars going at least thirty miles above the speed limit. I feared the worst.

Before I knew it, I was pushing my minivan past 95 mph on the 5 north carpool lane, with cell phone glued to my ear. I called my wife again and told her that the police were on their way. My mind was simultaneously calculating the time it would take to my mother-in-law's and wondering if he was somehow still in the house. I dialed 911 again, this time to give them my wife's cell phone number, since she would arrive at the house before I would.

This is part from the whole day I remember most clearly:

"Sir, your son is safe. The officer arrived at your mother-in-law's house and they found him hiding in an closet. He's with your mother-in-law now. Sir? Sir? I need to ask you to please take a deep breath and slow down. Your son is safe. He does not need you to get into a car accident right now."

So I took a deep breath. I slowed down.

Dealing with Insomnia

I need to wake up at 4:00am at the latest. It's 12:15am. I can't fall asleep. The insomnia has been affecting me for the last 3 or so weeks. For every night I get of 8 hours sleep, I have another 20 nights in which I clock in 5 or less hours.

I'm bitterly disappointed in someone I thought I knew. I shouldn't be surprised by that person's actions. Even though logic tells me that this person has always been selfish and self-centered, I've always held onto the wish that he would grow into the man I always hoped he would be. He hasn't and I doubt he ever will. It's time to let him go. I hope he has a good life, but all I see are chickens waiting to come home to roost.

The kernel that sparked this conflict? He expected me to make an appearance at a function he should have known would be difficult for me to make. I never made any promises to appear that night, but made myself available to see him the following day. He responded childishly at my absence and avoided me, even when I tried contacting him several times. I made a misjudgement on my part, but my intentions weren't malicious. However, he took it very personally. Now that I think about it, I see that he expects the world from me, but I'd be hard pressed to think of what he's really given me in return.

Admittedly, I've had issues with my life the way it is now. But when push came to shove, I realized my wife, son and goddaughter are more important to me than anything else in this world. Their comfort comes before everything, even my own selfish needs. It's not an easy thing to do on my part . . . I'm not averse to exhibiting self-centered behavior, but their happiness has to be more important than my own. I eventually realized that the moment I put myself before them is the moment we stop being a family. The moment I'm cold to my wife's needs is the crack that could lead to my marriage's dissolution. I'm not going to have that.

The last months of Kim's life, I shut her out emotionally. I was cold and distant. The last night we spent together, Kim unleashed her anger over me being consumed with my own life, family, work and not her's. She wasn't happy with just seeing each other and hanging out every so often. She wanted the close relationship we had before as kids. Kim didn't understand that my responsibilities didn't disappear when she blew into town. My family didn't evaporate into thin air when she showed up at the door. I didn't have the space in my life to worry about her, but she refused to accept this simple fact. Looking back on it now, I know I wouldn't have fundamentatlly changed my attitude, even if I knew she would pass away soon. I would have made an effort to say goodbye, but my attitude wouldn't have changed one bit.

Now I see it happening all over again, but I can't do anything different.